Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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