Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
