And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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