I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Found the puke drawer
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I could fuck to npr.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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