College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
