I'm laying in your front yard are you home
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
