a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Green mimosas i think yes
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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