I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
