So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Two words: blizzard sex
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
