I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
