I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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