She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I think I won the penis lottery.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
