She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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