I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I don't think brook has ever known best
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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