Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
