I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
