Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
