idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
