Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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