My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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