i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
