does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
