It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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