What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
