You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
