Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
