My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
