sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm really busy with my period
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