I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
