I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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