So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
