The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
