that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he laminated a picture of his dick.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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