This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
