so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I wish you could order shots online.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
