Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
