Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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