Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
