I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
