I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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