I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
