Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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