don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
