i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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