just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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