You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
