I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
