You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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