she woke up with a sticky ear
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
no. you can't hotbox the world.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
