If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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